Here we go.

Maybe I have to revise the whole thing here since it seems like I’ve been automatically prompted to follow some blogs, one of ’em being WordPress’s own, and I question myself if is that a result of these strange occurrences within my psyche. Well, I’ve no clue either on how is this going to show up and I, in one hand, in an attempt to make my first entry, have frustrated myself twice and in another, I kept the integrity and sanctity of my communication with a beloved person, something we hold to ourselves not to partake – it’s not paranoia, it’s simply the decision coming from that person’s side not to partake in active social interaction; a pen pal as it is, but we send each other video messages. And that’s something quite peculiar since neither that person nor me do like the exposure nor the usage of any sort of webcam device. Through any means. It seems it has been working well that way, as lately I’ve decided to experiment, being left with more questions than answers, with internet social interaction using the usual places. It’s no secret I have a Facebook but it turns out that a series of events that occurred in my entire life have proven time and again that the old forum and internet relay chat are the best ways to go as they were before; and as such, I’ve no friends in there anymore.

Yes I do have issues with people as well with myself but were I to endure the stress I’ve endured when I was an active user let alone last week’s experiments, where an incredible amount of stress was something I had to go through because I was trying to simply be myself, and pretty much let go and lost grip of my own patience, tolerance, in summation: I was in the end of all things, viewed and lumped in endless groups of people I’ve had nothing to do with (it shouldn’t be any surprise that this place is the last attempt at such an experiment), it would be a step backwards in my self improvement. As it is, I’ve been prompted to react in a positive, engaging way of socializing in real life, in spite of all the existing pitfalls.

I work from home, and I’ve been just inside for months, nearly losing track of time and space, and totally lost touch with the rest of the world except for my constant quest for information and knowledge, all of which benefited me in extremely great ways. Time is not on my side, though, and I have to get some things done a.s.a.p even today to avoid utter frustration of not being capable of operating and co-operating outside. It’s good when we type those excerpts of our journals because it instantly reminds us – actually, in my case, prompt me to take action immediately. So let me take a phone call and kill two birds with one stone.

Well, strange but seemingly I didn’t have to take any calls. Upon checking my email, I’ve had just received a mail from the university where I plan to go back and start on another course, which is computer programming and computer sciences, they already have the data they need me to send about myself. Sure, the old data is in their databases, but it seems they were quite reckless is simply using the old info of what, nearly six years ago, to evaluate if I can return and change from being a literature and linguistics student to a computer science student. Who knows? Back then there were no such things as re-integration; you had to go through new exams to get into a college/university, especially when you wanted to change courses. Our educational system is very complex and very hard to get by easily, and we can’t just rely on simple – well, this is a waste of time, I’m not typing into my notepad, and since I am obviously gonna paste that part – the web log post into it, then I needn’t inform of anything regarding my country or its’ educational system.

I’m just trying not the total opposite approach as of the last time, but I’m just trying to see if I can have privacy. If such a thing doesn’t happen without me having to compromise said privacy, then really, fuck it, internet social interaction is an utter failure, as I’ve tried everything and this is where it ends. I’ll keep my Facebook for professional contact if need be, and will stay in Mirc and forums.

We gotta be realistic; the decentralized “anti Facebooks” are a mess, blogging with interaction on Tumbler and Twitter are somewhat freakish, bloated deformations of Facebook itself on which self exposure counts more and more and the flux of unnecessary info and media worship is gruesome, and believe you me, there are no such things as a free lunch as they say, so if you’re waiting for your Ello invite, get ready for more of the same. I think of Pinterest and Last.fm as noteworthy alternatives in terms of simply sharing what you like visually an aurally, but quite frankly, maybe it’s because of my lack of patience on “scrobbling” since I have a player that does that automatically and I have no idea on how going there and seeing my playlists automatically sent and seeing the people who comment on it and commenting, any different than just going into a review website and – even a corporate one, just to leave your one cent on the matter, posting a comment through Facebook. It all goes full circle. A vicious one at that, but if you’ve got in, WHY did you get in in the first place, and now you want something “extra”? Now Pinterest is cool by my book, it’s just like a picture, collect a picture, go away, see people who like your picture, find that they have pictures you like or not, decide to follow them based on this pattern, and keep collecting. Whether you wanna comment or not and/or add a location, it’s your choice, and I choose not to go that extra mile; it is just, after all, much like Flickr and Imgur, the latter of which I can just use as mindless repository of pictures to upload and that will stay there and won’t be published because of my lack of interaction and because I don’t pay and there’s a limit, a way to find cool pics of hot chicks, beautiful scenery, whatever, you name it, that Google won’t be able to handle unless you go digging and digging with different phrases and wildcards and traveling a maze of websites just to get that cool old album cover in 3000 dpi that you wanted. I don’t know what’s the level of organization most people have in their computers, but it doesn’t take more than half an hour of dragging, dropping and just making specified folders to have your shit organized and function properly and voila, you’re a pro multitasking machine that can work, and say, listen to something, read your news, watch a movie and so on and so forth. Things that are cellphone bound, to finish it up, are off limits for me. They exist since the inception of a camera in a cellphone and you don’t have to stay in more than one single machine to do your share of communication with others through the web. I see no rhyme nor reason for that urgent need of taking a picture, exceptionally involving yourself and instantly sending somewhere; take it home, think it over (it might not be so healthy after all, to post yourself smoking a joint, or whatever), get the usb cable and blam.

Last and slimmer (after the lengthy rhetorical paragraph not supposed to go in my journal) paragraph, it’s nine forty five and I have to get going. Let’s see if I can simply be in here without the lumping. Gotta work, gotta eat, gotta get shit done, gotta live. Don’t we all?